Tsuki no Hikari Nousho

Me and my sister and a couple of our young friends went to Fairmont a couple of weeks ago and had a wonderfully relaxing time. It was just what I needed after all the craziness of working too much. I didn't take a lot of pictures when we were there, but I did snap one fantastic shot in the little cafe there. I thought it turned out really well.




My sister is having a Ball in just over a week's time and I am going to be the 'photographer'. I hope to have my most fun at that ball taking pictures and wearing the fancy dress I just finished sewing!

Finished another volume of my journal. Wrote 2000 words and I suddenly hated my writing style and haven't been able to write since. Did write an okay poem trying to describe what it was like to feel I didn't have the words I needed to express myself. (I'll put it on here when I have more time) and maybe looking at that I'll be okay with what words I have, what style I have. I hope someone eventually thinks what I write is worth reading.

In other news: I haven't been taking pictures lately. I don't even have my memory card in my camera. It snowed last night and I don't have winter tires on and I have to drive to work this morning in the pitch dark as who knows when the sun rises these days (winter and its evil long nights only daylight from 8 in the morning until like 4 in the afternoon. Kind of depressing. At least I don't live all the way up North where they have darkness all day for almost half the year...).

So I just pushed through it and wrote 4000 words in two days. Let's see if I can keep the momentum... once I get back from Silverwood Theme Park...

Masochistic:  Meaning 3. A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences. (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/masochistic)

There is a reason behind my random word definition. I find it easier to understand myself if I fully and completely have control over the meaning of the words I use, or at least understand why they popped into my head.

I seem to have run head long into a bought of masochism, all centered around the last two rejections letter I got for my book which were in tandem, one right after another in consecutive torture. I don't seem to recall when this happened, but I do know that it sent me into a headlong spiral into finding ways to torture myself. Though really, I have to say that it's really the entertainment industry that has inflicted this upon me the unsuspecting viewer. In a way that makes them sadists and me completely innocent. Nevertheless I have run into a rash of reminders that I can't get published.

It started with my day after the first rejection letter (which was needless mean I might add and not constructive at all. I mean literally, about the cruelest thing to do to a person. It was like a person asking for food and being told they couldn't have part of the huge meal that was right before them, and then as an after thought they decided to stab said person in the back as they walked away) where I decided to go and drown my sorrows in my what I love most, books. That I do have to admit was masochistic. I have bought a record fourteen books in around three weeks.

Got home feeling slightly better and got my next rejection letter. I then decided to hack apart the beginning of my book and did so with vengeance, killing it most thoroughly, and then I completely lost my will to write. Completely. I haven't actually set a word or even glanced at my books since that day. I thought to forget about writing completely and just be Meg: Medical Transcriptionist/Box Office Sales at the local theatre. So, I've done nothing but work, read, and watch movies.

Let me enlighten you on the unfathomable choices I have made in said ventures of entertainment:

- Book: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo : About a magazine writer.
- Book: Happiness by Will Ferguson : About a editor at a publishing company (possibly the single best book I have read this year and also the most depressing in terms of my fate as a writer).
- Movie : The Soloist : About a journalist.
- Movie : State of Play : About a journalist.
- Movie : Miss Potter : About a writer.
- Movie: Julie & Julia : About 2 writers.

Anyone else see a pattern here?

Here I am trying to forget about the whole kangaroo court system of publishing and its being shoved unceremoniously back in my face at every corner I turn to get away from it.

I don't know if God is trying to tell me that I shouldn't give up so easily or if the Devil is flaunting my failure in an endless parade. Do I fall into despair or persevere with hope? It really depends on the moment, but lately the pessimist has been winning the battle.

Had a strange dream last night/this morning. After my work phoned and woke me up I went back to sleep and dreamed that this Author thought I would make a good character for a book he was writing and he had enough money to make his world come alive so that he could throw me into it and see how I would react. It was strange.

What happened was I woke up one day and there was a package on my bed. Before I could open it I realized that my house was eerily quiet and when I went to my 'mother's' room I found that she was gone, a trail of blood leading out the window. Puzzled, I wanted to follow it but decided I should get dressed. That was when I opened the package and there was the beautiful white dress inside. I put it on and called downstairs to my 'father' that mother was missing and might be dead. The only response I got was for a strange person I didn't know to grab me from behind. I blacked out and woke up in a strange city I didn't recognize. It was completely surrounded by mountains and seemed to be no way out. There were a lot of people wandering around doing their business and no one seemed to think it weird that I was lying in the middle of the street in a fancy dress. Then a couple of girls came over and started asking if I was new, if I had a place to stay, etc. I asked them where I was and they nicely told me that we were in the last place on Earth that was viable for humans to live. I had the sudden thought that I had somehow got pulled to the future by that mysterious person who had grabbed me back at my house. I wandered around for a while with the girls and then I noticed some strange glass buildings where there was nothing but escalators. I followed the escalators with my eyes all the way to the top of the building and realized that the escalator on the top was cut off and that people were suddenly disappearing into the top of the building. Not only that all the escalators went up and none went down. I pointed out this oddity to the girls I was with and then I realized that the blue sky I was staring at wasn't real. Around the escalator building you could see that the 'sky' skirted around the top of the building. I was just about to tell them that their sky was fake when that same strange person who had jumped me from behind suddenly pushed me into the escalator building and I was forced up past the sky. I was dumped at the top in a heap right by a small metal garbage can that had a little note posted on it saying that when a person noticed the strange inconsistencies in the world they could move up to the next level. It sighted an example of the moon sticking out its tongue. A girl walking by asked if I was new again and I told her that I had no idea what was going on. I looked into the sky and realized that it was real this time. She laughed at me, asking how I could have possibly made it to this level if I didn't know what was going on. She explained that only those worthy could progress to true freedom and that this is what this was. I informed her of the sign I had seen and told her that this level too had to have inconsistencies or they wouldn't have put up the sign. She denied my explanation of things and told me I was misinformed. I just had the thought that she was happy with the world she was presented with on this level and was no longer interested in seeking the truth. I began to look for strange occurrences right away. The strange person who had been following me must have noticed because after I pointed out that a volcano was blowing up that no one seemed concerned about, he appeared as I was crossing a bridge in the form of a red smoking ball with a face. I demanded to know what was going on and he told me that I was too observant for his little world and suddenly I was being sucked through a black void of nothingness, on the other side I was unceremoniously dumped onto the floor beside a person who was playing a video game on their TV. I looked at the TV and realized that it was showing where I had just been and all the characters in the game were thanking me. The man beside me thanked me as well, telling me that he was going to be writing this as a book and wanted me to be the main character of it. Because of that he was keen on finding out how I would react to his world and so had this all built. I was flattered and annoyed at the same time and slapped him across the face for troubling me with all of that. Afterward he gave me a copy of the unfinished draft of his book and signed it with a silver pen. Then I woke up.

I really wish I could remember the names that were used in the dream. I know the title read something like 'Mad Nilihon Madeline', but I don't remember the authors name. I do remember getting mad at him for calling me mad as the title of the book referred to my character, but he informed me that the 'mad' was in reference to the fact that I could see through the fake worlds and the people who couldn't thought I was crazy.

It's been a while since I have had a good dream.

Anyway, this was the dress that I was wearing throughout the dream:

I just recently got a cat from the local SPCA. Someone gave up a beautiful Flame Point Siamese Cat (she's 3). She is just about the sweetest thing. She is really friendly and will cuddle up with almost anyone who comes to my house even my nieces. Actually she started getting playful when I brought kids around. Now I just have to get her used to my boundaries (AKA keeping off my desk and off my movie posters) and we will get along find. I took some black and whites of her.









She is the tiniest cat I have ever seen. She curls into a little ball and weighs only 5 lbs. I can pick her up with one hand no problem. I actually thought she was just out of kitten stage. Couldn't believe when they told me she was 3.

No comments really. Just that I wish I could spend the rest of my life taking pictures of nature. I love being out in it. It's one of the few times I feel alive, invigorated, and actually needed.

Here are some of my fave picks that I took on Granville Island:



These little treats were called Better Than Sex, and they really were (according to my mother that is).



There was this shop that was selling the most gorgeous flowers I had ever seen of the most exotic types. My mom and I bought these amazing sunflowers for the people that we were staying with.  They almost were so beautiful they didn't look real.

Finally got some of my close ups on here:



This is the view from the back of my dad's motorbike. Watching the world coalesce on his helmet was one of the most soothing and enjoyable things in the world.



The wall in the hotel we stayed in at Seaside. I loved their mirror wall sculptures.



We were walking along the coast in a town I can't remember the name of right now and I saw this big board that was covered in drift wood and knick knacks it was the most intriguing thing. I loved the idea. It was as if every person that had passed before had left a piece of themselves behind on this board. It gave me a real sense of unity. Reminded me that each small part builds up to a beautiful whole and that each and every one of us can be a part in that amazing whole. A very inspirational collection of randomness.

Lost in different worlds these last few weeks. I'll put up some more of my pics now:



Deception Falls on Highway 2 not far from Levanworth



Main Street hotel in Seaside, OR



View from Granville Island. I would love to live in one of those buildings. So gorgeous!

Okay so, this has possibly been the most amazing week for thunder storms. We have had one every evening/night for the past week. Today's culminated into the best thunder storm I have seen in many many years (only really topped by the one when we had a flat tire and were completely surrounded by nonstop lightning and the one time I was almost struck by lightning). I was out at Fort Steele (my family is camping there for the next few days at the RV campground) and a cloud suddenly came from the wrong direction interrupting me and my sister's card game. Lightning began and me and my niece, L, decided to stand out and watch it come over Fisher Peak. We watched it standing in the middle of the dirt road until it started to rain and then we ran for the shelter of the back of my mom's van. We left the back door up and used it to shelter us until the wind began to blow the rain onto us and completely soaked it. I mostly shut the door then and we watched fork lightning streak endless across the sky from every direction all an amazing pink. Sheet lightning was also lighting up the clouds with pink hues. The cracking thunder was amazingly loud and I was sitting there telling my 6 year old niece (who said she wasn't scared of the thunder storm because she was 6 after all) how lightning is made and then suddenly we looked into the field in front of us and watch this bolt of lightning streak to the ground in front of us, it lasted for at least 3-5 seconds before it vanished with a sonic boom causing a massive explosion on the power pole that it struck and raining fire onto the ground below. Me and L just stared in shock and then she got a little scared but tried very hard to be brave. Interestingly, that was not the loudest thunder I have ever heard, nor the nearest miss I had ever encountered (really I was just upset that I had left my camera at home, why do I ever leave the house without it?).  The storm lasted from 8:30 pm until about 10:30 pm when it moved on past us. I told my family I was going to go home after I watched the now white lightning head off into the distance.

About 30 minutes before I decided to do this I had in fact phoned BC hydro to let them know that lightning had struck a power pole and something on it had exploded and so when I saw the strange light in that direction that is what I initially thought it was.

Let me see if I can accurately describe the strange set of lights that I saw. It was raining slightly, just a steady patter, not a torrential downpour and clear as if someone had their headlights shining in my eyes directly in front of me I saw what looked to be perfectly circular spotlights of the whitest light I had ever seen. I could see the beams cutting clearly across the ground in front of me casting shadows as it passed through the trees in front. I moved to get a better view and saw two golf ball sized (from where I was standing) lights shining from I couldn't really tell where. I thought they were pretty close at first, as in I thought it was a spotlight shining on the power pole that the lightning had struck. My sister came out screaming, "Brandi, Brandi what is that! Is there a plane crashing? It's headed right for us!" And I looked at her like she was a crazy person because those two beams of light were not moving at all and were to bright and big for landing lights on a plane. I told her it was just the power company fixing the power pole and she went back into the trailer. Then I looked at the lights again and realized that they weren't as close as I thought they were, I suddenly thought that maybe it was a car parked on the side of the road on the foothill in front of me and then excluded that because the lights were too big for a car to be parked on the foothill I was seeing, and not only that, the foothill I was looking at didn't exactly have a road on it. Then I realized that my sister was right, it was in the sky just above the tree line. Fascinated by this sudden anomaly of light I tried to rationalize what I was seeing. Maybe a train? No, they ran on the bottom of the valley, not on the top of the foothill, and not above the tree line. So what was it. It wasn't moving, so no, not a plane. What then? Not only that, the light was so far away, but it was casting perfect flashlight looking beams of light (two of course) on the field and trees in front of me, but I couldn't see light touching anything else. As I was staring at the strange beams of light hitting the field floor in front of me the beams intensity on the ground in front of me lessened. I looked at the lights and they looked just as bright as before. Then suddenly it was as if someone has shut down the bright lights, but they shut down like a white light that is burning so hot it leaves the glow of orange as the heat and light slowly dies, an after image, a halo of light (do you know what I mean?) and then the two lights were gone completely. Just like that.

Needless to say I went to the trailer and told Billi-jo that she was right, it wasn't BC Hydro fixing the power pole, in fact I didn't know what it was. I kind of looked at my mom at this point who looked just as confused as me and Billi-jo and then I said, "I think we just saw a UFO." My mom's reply was "There are too many eye witness accounts to not believe in UFO's." That kind of shocked me to hear her say. Then I replied with the fact that it may be an unidentified flying object but that didn't make it alien. I said that there are probably secret military planes being tested and there are many secret projects that we aren't aware of. And she replied with, "But we are in Canada," and I said, "Canada has a government too." Seeing as bantering like this wasn't going to present us with an answer to what we saw I decided to head home for the night.

All in all it was the most interesting night I have had this year. I won't forget that amazing thunder storm any time soon. I just am really bummed that I didn't have my camera with me. I could have got some AMAZING shots. Actually i have a pretty amazing shot of lightning that I took some time ago that I think I will find and put up here. It was also pink lightning and was shot in the same area that this storm took place.

I wish my sister would have thought to bring out her video camera and zoomed in on those mysterious UFO lights, maybe we could have figured out what it was.

Today was almost perfect in its simplicity and utter wonderment. I watched Tin Man today which just made me happy because I was in the mood for some steampunk and it gave me that in tall order! Almost at the end of the 4.5 hour miniseries I heard a thunderstorm and opened my window a tad to enjoy it, then realized I wanted to go outside to watch it and so I did. Something about thunderstorms just makes my heart leap in my chest, all that energy that the lightning is transmitting just fills me right up. I love summer for the sheer fact that I get thunderstorms. Anyway, all that power building within me made me want to sing, so I was singing "Stray Child", "To Nowhere", and "Fake Wings" by Yuki Kajiura (my favorite to sing though I don't know To Nowhere that well...). Anyway I didn't realize my neighbour was home and she totally heard me and then came out to tell me that my singing was lovely. I was all embarrassed as I thought I was alone and we talked for a bit (kind of ruining the rest of the thunderstorm, but that was okay too) and then I went inside. Then not 10 minutes ago I went back outside and noticed that the sliver moon was making the sky an amazing blue and a I got a pretty nice shot of it. What I love most is that you can actually see the entirety of the moon in my picture as it has a slight hue on the dark side that is different than the surrounding sky. Anyway, it was a wonderful day.



Oh, and whilst being enamored by steampunk I came upon the best computer I have ever laid eyes upon and I now have determined I am at all costs going to find something like it for myself (which means I probably be spending a lot of time learning how to make said item). I LOVE STEAMPUNK!

Another rash of photos that I took (I haven't even uploaded any of my close ups yet):



Deception Pass Beach. This is the only thing I remember about visiting Deception Pass when I was a child. This was the beach that I soaked my cast in the water because I was playing to close to the waves when I had a broken ankle. That ended up stinking really bad...





This is on Fort Stevens National Park Beach in Oregon. It was the most amazing beach I had ever been to. The sand was soft and the most gorgeous color of like milky coffee and the shipwreck was so neat. I have close up of this that I will put on later. I think it is amazing how the ocean and air have consumed this massive ship. Soon this metal hulking skeleton will be no more. I'm glad I got some good shots of it!

More pictures from my trip.

So I got a chance to exercise my photography skills again in the past 10 or so days. Me and my dad went on a motobike trip from Canada down to Seaside Oregon and I got some amazing shots. I took over 500 pictures so I will be filtering them on here in the next couple of weeks when I have time and feeling like making a post.

Here are some to start:



This was a really amazing looking building in Levenworth, WA. It reminded me of something I would see if I were in say Italy or Tuscany.



This is the end of the street in downtown Seaside, OR. It was cloudy the entire time I was there, but that just made for better diffuse lighting for my shots!



This is by far my favorite shot from my trip. It looks to me of a glittering starry road leading to some magical land. I wanted to hop out of the boat and follow along it to see where it would lead. It was just beautiful!

I had a dream this morning of taking the most radiant photos. I was traveling with my friend Shekayla, my brother Caz, and sister Billi-jo, and my mom. There were these amazing moss covered rocks, but most of them were covered in snow. I got a great shot of them. I also wanted my brother to take a picture of me and Shekayla jumping in the air around the scene, which he kindly took for me. Then a little ways up I noticed someone on the cliff side that had found this little nitch to poke his head out of.  It was right where these vines started (that had no leaves but had big purple grapes starting to grow) to grow up the cliff/hill and they were surrounded by dried grass that was about waist high. We climbed up to that spot and because the hill was so steep the angle of the cloudy blue sky, the wasit high grass, and the vines was absolutely amazing.

They would have made for perfect shots had it all been real and not just in my mind.

I've had a series of very strange dreams lately. The night before I had a complicated dream about the birth of a new world from an old one and there were these mermaid type people that were singing the most beautiful song and I was accompanying them. I wish I could remember the words, it was one of the better songs that I had made up.

I wonder what is going on inside my mind these days.

Tonight I had an absolutely well needed carefree and wonderfully creative night. Me and my friend Chris went to the movies (after I made him come over early and told him that he had to put my dishes away... which he actually did...) and saw one of the funniest movies I have seen in a really long time 'UP' (as well as one of the most heartbreaking...) and on the way home I literally laughed to the point where I couldn't drive all the way home (and still managed to keep driving rather gracefully... or at least stayed in my lane) and then laughed more in the care in my driveway finally ended when I peed a little in the car from him saying that we were being so loud that the neighbours would call the cops and in fact my next door neighbour is a cop (I was in fits on the pavement with that one) and then tried to make it to my house and went to the bathroom. Then we made tea (well Chris made tea while I played a Disney Fairy game online at Pixie Hollow...) and then we took some really fantastic pictures.



This one I took of my bistro lit up for our midnight tea party in my front yard. I love sitting outside at my bistro at night. So glad to finally have a shot of it! Turned out pretty good.



I think this is my favorite shot of the night. It was Chris' idea to have a shot where there was the lights from the wall, the light from the moon and a silhouette of someone's head in between. I told him it had to be his head (I wasn't sure it would turn out because of the lights on the wall, but it was worth a try) and he obliged. Although the actual picture didn't have his head silhouette in it, it turned out to be the best shot I took of the night. I was glad he suggested it! (Proof that his head is in there will be posted in a comment to this post).



Chris really liked my bistro shot that I took earlier and suggested that it would look really cool if I was sitting in the background of the shot. I thought it was a really good idea, set up the camera to my liking (we both agreed that the light by my butt needed to be covered with the tea cup) and then went to sit on the step. Chris did the actual button pushing... so since it was his idea and he pushed the button I guess it is technically his shot, although I set up the camera and got the shot framed the way it is. Anywho, it's actually a picture that I like of myself and that never happens (though I am pretty sure it's because there is low lighting and you can't see my face).

I should be off to bed now though.

I decided to post my favorite Yuki Kajiura songs on here seeing as a comment left on my last public post reminded me of how much I love her music. So here we go (there are 48 songs that I just LOVE of hers, though I don't think I can put them in a particular order. I think I will try to star my top 10 though):

-Grandpa's Violin (.hack//Liminality)
- Suspicion (.hack//Liminality)
- Mai (.hack//Liminality)
- Epitaph (.hack//Liminality)
- Liminality (Full Version) (.hack//Liminality)
- the world (.hack//SIGN)
- fake wings (.hack//SIGN)
- cyber-slum (.hack//SIGN)
- b.t. (.hack//SIGN)
- a stray child (.hack//SIGN)
- to nowhere (.hack//SIGN)
- moonflower (Le Portrait de Petit Cossette)*
- unhallowed (Le Portrait de Petit Cossette)
- Ensei (Mai Hime)
- tokiiro no mai (Mai Hime)
- Mezame (Mai Hime)*
- Omoi, Sore wa Shoujo no Kirameki (Mai Hime)
- Ikusa Otome ~Aoi to Kuro no Kyousoukyoku (Mai Otome)
- Otome wa DO MY BEST deshou? (Mai Otome)
- MATERIALISE (Mai Otome)
- Chiisaki Doukeshi (Mai Otome)
- Hinageshi no Hana no you ni (Mai Otome)
- Hoshi ga Kanaderu Monogatari - Arika (Mai Otome)
- cana per me (NOIR)
- salva nos (NOIR)
- indio (NOIR)
- ship of fools (Tsubasa Resevior Chronicle)
- strange names (Tsubasa Resevior Chronicle)
- wayside (Tsubasa Resevior Chronicle)
- catastrophe (Tsubasa Resevior Chronicle)*
- I talk to the rain (Tsubasa Resevior Chronicle)
- a song of storm and fire (Tsubasa Resevior Chronicle)
- slipstream (Tsubasa Resevior Chronicle)
- sacrifice (Tsubasa Resevior Chronicle)
- siren song (Tsubasa Resevior Chronicle)
- once upon a time there was you and me (Tsubasa Resevior Chronicle)*
- prove yourself (Tsubasa Resevior Chronicle)
- requiem for the evil (Tsubasa Resevior Chronicle)
- optimistic (Tsubasa Resevior Chronicle)
- first meetings (Xenosaga Episode II)
- assault (Xenosaga Episode II)*
- fatal fight (Jin & Margulis) (Xenosaga Episode II)*
- Jr. (Xenosaga Episode II)
- communication breakdown (Xenosaga Episode II)*
- hepatica (KOS MOS) (Xenosaga Episode III)*
- in a limestone cave (Xenosaga Episode III)*
- godsibb (Xenosaga Episode III)*
- promised pain (Xenosaga Episode III)*

Okay so there are actually 11 stared ones, but I just couldn't decide which one couldn't be on my top ten list... so it's my top 11 list. ^_^ \/

Anyway, if you like Yuki Kajiura, and you haven't heard all of these 48 songs, then I think you should find a way to listen to them. They are my favorite after all!

I will now be listening to Yuki until I fall asleep tonight... which I should do shortly here...

I am a firm believer in leaving pictures I take as I take them. I am not looking for a shot that I can make better by editing it digitally in Photoshop. That being said, I did play around in Photoshop today with this particular photo because the aperture setting I needed this on to get the clear foreground and background for this macro shot required that it be darker than I wanted. I brightened it in photoshop and then played around with some of the effects. I actually really loved the water color effect on this picture and so the first of these is the original, the second is the brightened version that I actually wanted my shot to look like, and the third is the water color version that turned out so beautifully (though you have to look at a big version of it to appreciate the actual look of it).

At my meeting today as we were going over the Watchtower article, me and my friend noticed that there was a blind man trying to visualize himself seeing again in Paradise. A blind person visualizing that only works if they had seen at one point, but if you were blind from birth you could not do that. So I started thinking about how you would describe colors to someone who could not see. I decided that you could easily describe colors to someone by using things they feel, smell, and hear and that those could invoke the same feelings that you got when looking at a color.

Here is my list:

Red is a crackling fire with heat blazing too hot to touch.

Orange is the tang of citrus fruit when you bite into watery flesh.

Yellow is the gentle warmth of the sun.

Green is a breeze blowing through the leaves and the tickle of grass on bare feet.

Blue is the icy grip of plunging into cold water.

Purple is the sense of accomplishment one feels after completing something worthwhile.

Pink is the unbridled laughter of a baby.

Black is the close comfort of a warm blanket.

White is the vastness of outside, no walls, no boundaries, just air under your feet. HIGHLIGHT TO SEE!

Grey is rain falling gently on an umbrella.

Brown is soft soil held in your hand with the sharp smell of decay breeding new life.


That is my list of how I would try to describe color to someone who cannot see. Post a comment and tell me how you would describe them. I can't wait to hear!